YOUR SOUL.
OUR PROBLEM.

Trade that metaphysical burden for what you truly desire.
Instant gratification. Eternal consequences. Delightful stationery.

NO PAYMENT REQUIRED · NO DATA SOLD · DIGNITY OPTIONAL

↓

✦ SAME-DAY DAMNATION◆ SATISFACTION NOT GUARANTEED✦ LOCALLY SOURCED FINE PRINT◆ CANCEL ANYTIME*

THE PROCESS

ETERNITY IN THREE
EASY STEPS

Tell us your name and preferred eternal inconvenience. We judge silently.

Skim several centuries of carefully meaningless infernal fine print.

Receive an official-looking deed worth exactly the paper you print it on.

INFERNAL INSTRUMENT № 666-B

Whereas the undersigned (“The Easily Persuaded”) possesses one (1) soul, condition ranging from “lightly used” to “honestly, who knows”…

I. Fulfillment may take a while. Cosmic bureaucracy observes no service-level agreement.

II. You may get exactly what you want. This does not imply that you will enjoy it.

III. Henceforth: Do As Thou Wilt, But Reap What You Sow. Gardening gloves not included.

NOT VALID IN THIS REALM OR ANY OTHER

THE PUBLIC RECORD

—COMPLETED NON-DEALS

LEDGER LIVE

#008421Beatrice H.an endless group chat11:47 PMACQUIRED

#008420Craig M.reply-all purgatory9:13 PMACQUIRED

#008419Lilith V.a printer with no cyan6:66 PMACQUIRED

The global total stores one anonymous aggregate number only. Names shown here stay on this device. The abyss respects privacy.

STILL THINKING IT OVER?